A Life That Counts Archives | jeremyrolleston.com

Fishing without knowing it is not fish you’re after

“Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing it is not fish they are after”
(Henry David Thoreau)

It’s a funny quote this isn’t it because it could be interpreted in a few ways. For me it makes me think of two things.

Firstly, the journey. In today’s society we are so goal focussed. And I’m certainly guilty of this – both as an individual and also as someone who writes on this and speaks on this a lot. But ‘guilty’ is not the right word because being purpose-driven and having a dream and chasing goals around this dream is not a bad thing at all. In fact it is a great thing. BUT, often we spend our whole lives chasing the goal (our whole lives fishing), without realising that it is not in the achievement, but in the activity itself that we find enjoyment, meaning and value. Is the contestant on The Biggest Loser proud of losing all that weight? Of course. But do they also look back and realise they are prouder of the person they’ve become through the journey that enabled them to lose that weight?! Is the Olympian proud of getting to the Olympics? Of course. But are they also proud of the journey and what it took to even qualify and get there?!

Secondly, perspective. When I wrote A Life That Counts and chose the title it was because I wanted to challenge us as to what it means to live a life that really matters and stands for something. I’m all for following my/your dreams and achieving my/your goals. I write about this and speak about this so often. But, they’re just part of the picture of life. They’re not the whole fabric. The purpose of life is far greater than our own personal fulfilment, our career and our own peace of mind. It is not measured solely by an Olympic medal, by a particular goal achieved, by how wealthy you are and what you earn, by how many twitter followers you have, or by public recognition and fame. After all, at our funeral and after we die, it’s not our achievements, our degrees, our bank balance or our fame that people will really remember and speak about. I write more about this in the last chapter of my book. What is it to live a life that counts?

Furthermore, happiness and fulfilment aren’t ‘out there’, they’re within. They’re independent of circumstance and they don’t rest solely on whether we achieve a specific goal. Succeeding in the game of life is bigger than all this. How often do we go running after things that we think will make us happy, only to realise that they don’t ultimately satisfy? The next car. The next job. The next girl or boy. The next drug. The next adventure or experience. We go fishing to catch one kind of fish and realise it doesn’t make us happy, so we try and catch another one. We spend our whole lives fishing without realising it’s not the fish that will make us happy. As a christian, it reminds me of the wise words of Jesus “What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world yet forfeits his soul. And what can a man give in exchange for his soul?” (Matthew 16:26). For me, Jesus is the only one that could satisfy my heart and fill that God-shaped hole that I tried to fill with so many other things. He is the only one that could fill me with a peace which is unexplainable.

Many men go fishing their whole lives, without knowing it is not fish they’re after. Food for thought.

The suspended coffee – paying it forward

I remember when I was writing my book A Life That Counts I was confronted with what my life actually stood for. Basically I had a great family, great friends, lived in a beautiful democratic country, and had spent my life pursuing sporting goals and working hard in banking and finance to effectively contribute to a share price improving.

And in stark contrast I wrote about the issues of human trafficking and global poverty.

It all seemed so ridiculous.

Now I know you can’t always think like this, but it challenges me all the time. Whilst 1.4 billion people live on less than US$1.25 per day, I would throw around money for drycleaning and complain about the jetcat being late.

Then I came across this little story to warm my heart and encourage me to do little things along the way to doing greater things that make a difference.

“We enter a little coffeehouse with a friend of mine and give our order. While we’re approaching our table two people come in and they go to the counter :

‘Five coffees, please. Two of them for us and three suspended’
They pay for their order, take the two and leave. I ask my friend:
‘What are those ‘suspended’ coffees ?’
‘Wait for it and you will see’
Some more people enter. Two girls ask for one coffee each, pay and go. The next order was for seven coffees and it was made by three lawyers – three for them and four ‘suspended’. While I still wonder what’s the deal with those ‘suspended’ coffees I enjoy the sunny weather and the beautiful view towards the square infront of the café. Suddenly a man dressed in shabby clothes who looks like a beggar comes in throught the door and kindly asks ‘Do you have a suspended coffee ?’

It’s simple – people pay in advance for a coffee meant for someone who can not afford a warm bevarage. The tradition with the suspended coffees started in Naples, but it has spread all over the world and in some places you can order not only a suspended coffee, but also a sandwich or a whole meal.

Challenge / Thought
Don’t you love the idea? Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have such cafés or even grocery stores in every town where the less fortunate will find hope and support? If you own a business why don’t you offer something similar to your clients. As for me I’m determined to find ways to pay it forward more.

Most people …

Most people are afraid to take action.

Most people don’t care enough to make a difference.

Most people aren’t going to buy that new thing you’re selling.

Most people are too self-involved to do the generous work you’re hoping for.

Most people think they can’t afford it.

Most people won’t talk about it.

Most people aren’t going to read what you wrote.

Most people find it easier to criticise than to offer praise and encouragement.

… But you’re not most people !
And nor do you want to be most people right ?
And your best customers aren’t most people. Neither are your best supporters. Nor are those joining you on the journey.

One thing I’ve learnt over the last number of years is that when you dream big and are bold enough to dare to dream and to share that with others, it is surprising how many people are happy to tell you it can’t be done or to criticise or doubt you in some way. In fact, you’ll meet more people who’ll tell you that you can’t do something than you’ll meet people who’ll encourage you and tell you that you can. You’ll meet more people who’ll tell you that it’s a stupid idea than you’ll meet people who’ll tell you that that it’s a great idea.

There isn’t one autobiography I’ve read of people who’ve achieved amazing things who haven’t been told by people that they couldn’t do it. Think about people like Sir Richard Branson, Bill Gates, Sir Edmund Hilary, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King, Gai Waterhouse, Michael Milton, Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, Kurt Fearnley, Dr Suess, Salma Hayek, Walt Disney to name just a few. (For more examples click here).

And so I’ve learnt that it is a choice to have self-belief and not be limited by other people’s expectations or opinions. It’s a choice to ignore them and believe in something different that’s inside you, to believe you can do it rather than that you can’t. It’s a choice to choose to not be most people.

Challenge
Don’t be like most people.
In any case you’re unique and there’s only one of you in the entire world.

Character – who you are when noone's looking

I’ve been thinking about character a bit lately and just pondering how it is easy to put on a facade and a show and give the impression you want. We all do it. But yet I wonder what we are like behind closed doors, when there’s no one around to show off to, or to prove something to. When our pride and ego isn’t involved. When noone will know (except God who sees all). And I’ve been thinking about how it is so true that …

“character is who you are when noone is looking”

And then I read some interesting information the other day. Did you know that the English word “character” comes from the Greek word for an engraving tool? The engraver or artist makes a mark or groove on a metal plate by repeatedly etching in the same place with a sharp tool – the engraving tool.

Our characters are created in a similar way. Any behaviour or attitude repeated over and over forms part of our character. Behaviour and character are linked. They say that if you do something for 30 days in a row it will become a habit – that is, part of your character. And habits can be the best of friends or the worst of enemies.

If you’d like some tips on how to develop habits I talk about this in Chapter 6 of my book A Life That Counts. Of course I struggle like anybody else but I do know some ways to help develop them … so hopefully my book will be helpful here – to give you actual tools and strategies to develop good habits and hence good character. (After all, character is easier kept than recovered !)

Challenge: Character is who you are when noone’s looking and in this regard habits can help you or hinder your behaviour. What part of your character will you be working on going forward ?

A Life That Counts – part II – no limits

You might a past post I wrote following Steve Jobs death and a recent post of mine where I was reflecting on where I was going and what I was doing as I create the life that I want. And you might remember me giving myself a bit of an uppercut given I’ve written a book about all this ! 🙂

Well after that uppercut, came this … a hit over the head !!!!

How can you not be fired up by this ? Or is it just me? Enjoy and be inspired and challenged.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=He5A9dvUP-s

How to determine the price of anything

“The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it”

It’s true. When I was training for my first Olympics everything came second – relationships, work, my social life, my finances. Sure I would try to create balance in there and juggle all the balls in the air as best I could. BUT, if it came down to it, I knew which decision I’d make. It was clear. I would sacrifice and give up to reach my goal / dream. I exchanged a lot of life to achieve that goal. It extracted a high price … but it was worth it.

It’s funny though. I saw the other side recently. I went to the London Olympic Games athlete farewell dinner. It is always inspiring and motivating as you see videos and hear interviews with current and past athletes. (Bring on the London Olympics !)

Olympic athletes farewell dinner video

In fact at one of these dinners 3 years ago I remember hosting a corporate table (each athlete is assigned to host a corporate sponsors table) and I remember thinking – “I don’t want to be one of these business guys sitting here on the table – there’s plenty of time for that. I want to be the athlete. And in any case, when you’re retired, you’re retired for a long time !” And in that moment I decided to come out of retirement and began training for Vancouver 2010 … And despite what happened in the race in Vancouver, I have no regrets. I’m glad I did it. The price I paid was fine. The life I exchanged for achieving my dream was worth it – despite the way it turned out.

So there I was at this London Olympic team athletes farewell dinner, having just recently retired a few months ago. I was inspired. I was motivated. But I knew that this time I wasn’t going to come out of retirement as the price was too high. I wasn’t prepared to sacrifice my career any longer; or commit all those hours to that hard training; or put relationships second; or to put all that money into training / travelling / equipment; or to always make apologies for social events or leave early if I did go. Simply put, the price was now too high. The opportunity cost was too high. I was and am no longer prepared to exchange that same amount of life in order to get to my 3rd Olympics in Sochi.

And don’t we see this in all areas of our lives … we see marriages breaking down as people work longer hours and are never home. They exchange a lot of life to be successful in business – but is the exchange and the price you paid worth it ? We see people become stupidly body conscious. We see people pursuing money at any cost – even of their own integrity. It’s always an exchange isn’t it.

“It’s true … the price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it … food for thought !”

Whatever you do … make good art !

I’ve had a day at home today and done a few interesting things. One was to do an Instinctive Drivers questionnaire which looks at what my natural drivers, ways of thinking and methods are. Many call this someone’s ‘flow’. When it feels easy. When it feels instinctual. The other things I did is sat and listen to a commencement address by Neil Gaiman to the University of the Arts. And once again it made me think about my life and what I’m doing and where I’m heading. So here for your enjoyment is Neil’s commencement address.

I’ll let Neil speak for himself but here’s some of the things I found challenging or instructive or inspiring (my words) …

If you are naive or don’t know things and hence don’t know things are impossible then that’s a good thing as then it’s easier to do as you’re not bound by other people’s expectations or rules or paradigms
Am I settling ? Doing what I have to do before doing what I want to do ? (People like Neil and Steve Jobs sound very similar. they love what they do. It doesn’t feel like work. What is that for me ?)
Imagine where you want to be – like a distant mountain. As long as you are walking towards the mountain then you’re on the track and that’s OK.
Everyone will face the problems of disappointment, failure and disillusionment – they are part of the journey. So learning how to deal with these and get over them is part of the journey too
Be wise and if you can’t be wise, then pretend you are wise and do what they would do !
Enjoy the journey. seriously – don’t worry. Enjoy the journey.

Challenge: How does this encourage, inspire or challenge you ?

Life lessons – Part III

Do you remember two recent posts of mine that contained some wonderful life lessons
20 lessons from a mother to a son
If I should have a daughter, instead of mum, she’s going to call be Point B

Well in celebration of that, I thought I’d continue with that. After all wisdom is to highly valued and as my mum used to tell me “knowledge is no burden to carry !”. So here are 45 life lessons that Regina Brett wrote in celebration of her getting older. This is her most requested column ever.

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short – enjoy it.

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick.
Your friends and family will.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. Its OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. Its OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.

18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It’s never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive but don’t forget.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have not what you need.

42. The best is yet to come…

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.”

Here’s to living an amazing life – life to the full !

A Life That Counts

I’m at an interesting juncture right now. I am leaving my current job after realising it was the antithesis of the organisation I want to work for and the culture that I thrive in. So much so that it was a big contributor to me ending up sick with glandular fever. But I digress :). So at moments like these I started to reflect as you often do. Am I heading in the right direction ? Is what I’m doing going to count for something ? Am I just doing what I’m doing because that is what I know and it is the easier and safer path ? Is this what I really want to do ? What do I want to do ? My future is in my own hands and is the result of the decisions that I will make today … but what do I want it to look like ?

Well after some reflection and some proactive steps including catching up with a few of my mentors and an executive coach … a few things are clear … I do not have a crystal clear picture of what I want my future to look like – but I do have do a hazy one. And I have figured out over the years that that is just fine. My future path may not be absolutely straight and paved as I look ahead, but I am going to make sure I am certainly travelling in the right direction and making decisions that are getting me closer to where I want to go and to creating the mosaic of the life I dream.You see I know what I generally want my life to look like. I know what I want it to feel like. I know what I want to see around me. And I know that I want to make a difference – to do something significant – to avoid just going with the flow. To create something that outlives my life. To do something that engages my heart. To do something more than work my butt off to effectively push my companies share price up. To do something where the results are tangible and the testimonies are irrefutable.

So I think it is time to take a note out of my own book A Life That Counts. To continue to dream. To have the courage to follow my heart. To make plans and actively create the life I dream (without rules and other people’s expectations defining what it will look like). To be wise but not too sensible. To make the little decisions that will ad up to the big things. To believe that my future will look exactly like the vision board on my wall. To train my speech and my thoughts to support this and not to tear it down. To enjoy the journey for life is short and could end tomorrow. And to make a difference.

So Jeremy – note to self. You wrote a flipping book about this so make sure you are continuing to live by the very pages you wrote.

And for those of you who haven’t read my book ‘A Life That Counts’ – buy it here and always feel free to tell me to take a leaf out of my own book. After all I want to live an extraordinary life, with purpose and significance and along the way (like the quote at the top says) create a legacy that will live forever.

Fire up people ! … and fire me up along the way !

Pay the bucket list forward

You might remember a recent post of mine that people enjoyed – my bucket list. Quite the list and quite revealing in many ways. Well, it is so exciting for me to know that that post inspired a few good friends to write theirs. So here is another blog to inspire, challenge and encourage you to write yours … to take control of your life, to dream, to be purpose driven, to think about the things you’d love to do or try and achieve, the things to do before you try.

Do you remember Ness’s – 30 things before 30 !!!

Well here’s another friends bucket list – the newly engaged Alicia Loveless’s bucket list. I’m proud of you and it is an honour to have you inspire others on my blog – http://thisbeachlife.com/2012/01/06/bucket-list/

My challenge

So write your list and post it either here or on your own blog. And in doing so you’ll be paying it forward by inspiring others to write theirs … over to you …

A Final Thought

Remember, who cares if tick off everything on your bucket list. It isn’t a shopping list !!! But what a ride you’ll have as you go about creating the mosaic of the life you dream of and doing the things you want. After all, remember, 20 years from now you’ll be more disappointed by the things you DIDN’T do than by the things you did !!!