Something a little different for your this week … spoken poetry – by Sarah Kay.
What I hear you say. Jeremy – you’ve changed ! Ah, but be careful not to judge a book by its cover – it is not everyone who gets a standing ovation when they give a TED talk !
So, enjoy and don’t forget the lessons here contained amongst the verse. May it challenge, inspire and encourage.
You might remember a recent post of mine that people enjoyed – my bucket list. Quite the list and quite revealing in many ways. Well, it is so exciting for me to know that that post inspired a few good friends to write theirs. So here is another blog to inspire, challenge and encourage you to write yours … to take control of your life, to dream, to be purpose driven, to think about the things you’d love to do or try and achieve, the things to do before you try.
Do you remember Ness’s – 30 things before 30 !!!
Well here’s another friends bucket list – the newly engaged Alicia Loveless’s bucket list. I’m proud of you and it is an honour to have you inspire others on my blog – http://thisbeachlife.com/2012/01/06/bucket-list/
My challenge
So write your list and post it either here or on your own blog. And in doing so you’ll be paying it forward by inspiring others to write theirs … over to you …
A Final Thought
Remember, who cares if tick off everything on your bucket list. It isn’t a shopping list !!! But what a ride you’ll have as you go about creating the mosaic of the life you dream of and doing the things you want. After all, remember, 20 years from now you’ll be more disappointed by the things you DIDN’T do than by the things you did !!!
I met someone new recently. Someone I didn’t expect to meet and someone I didn’t want to get to know. You see unfortunately they only bring the bad and never the good. They always hold you back rather than propel you forward. So who did I meet ? … stress.
For the first time in my life I’ve been properly stressed. That is I can feel it affecting my health. And that’s not good !And making it worse was that a wise mentor in my life told me the sad, honest news … “Jeremy if you don’t learn to deal with this now then you’ve got problems because I hate to tell you but it will get worse when you add kids, a mortgage, school fees, more responsibility at work and so on and so forth.”
So, I am determined to draw the line in the sand and for this not to be an influence on my life ongoing. So here’s some thoughts on how I’m going to do this. Maybe they will help you !
Perspective
I live in Manly / in Sydney / in Australia. I catch the jetcat to and from work. I have great friends. I get paid well. I am healthy. I have a great family. Do I really have much to complain about ? From now I’m determined to actively remember those who are far worse off than me around the world and be grateful for my blessings when I start to stress about the small things. A bit more perspective might do me the world of good.
The buffer of sport / exercise
I’ve always taken this for granted as I’ve always been exercising. I’ve always had a goal. I’ve always had an avenue to take my stress out and turn my mind off. To have something to look forward to. Something to focus on. I may have retired recently and been enjoying a rest from so much exercise after 20 years, but I’m not sure I can afford to. I need that seratonin ! 🙂 It is a buffer between stress (in this case work stress) and me. (And it will make me eat better which will also help).
Pray more
I’m a christian and my creator Jesus says “be anxious for nothing, but by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God, and he will guard your heart and MIND.” About time I did this more I reckon.
Deep breathe
Most of our breathing is so shallow which is why when we concentrate on our breath in something like a yoga class, we feel so good. So I intend to take some deep breaths more when feeling stressful. Count from 10 to 0 with each deep breath.
NLP – Emotionally disconnect
This is the hard one when you’re my personality. When I’m into something, I’m into it so the theory of just switching off is way more easily said than done. But, I am a certified NLP practitioner so I propose to start to use it in this scenario. To associate work with some humour and with good thoughts and emotions. Work isn’t worth it. See this as a time when I am going to build up my capacity for future stress. So that when those things start to bug me I can actively and consciously not let it spiral me downwards. To accept the things I can’t change and change the things I can and to have the wisdom to know the difference.
Kiss more
I cant say I’ve ever been stressed in the middle of a kiss so this must do the trick pretty well. More kissing required I think ! 🙂
Any suggestions or thoughts. I’d be very keen to hear them !!!
Tomorrow is Australia Day and once again it is an honour to be an Australia Day Ambassador.
Here’s a link to my blog post last Australia Day
http://blog.jeremyrolleston.com/?p=232
I think representing Australia has made me a prouder Aussie than I was before, but that is not to say that I wasn’t proud before. Proud of the type of people Aussie’s are; proud of our peaceful, democratic country; and proud of everything that Australia is.
So Happy Australia Day – whether you came here 40,000 years ago or 4 years ago !
So can you believe Christmas is nearly upon us again. I know I sound like my parents, but last year seems like yesterday. As we consider Christmas this year I thought I’d introduce my first song to the blog – my favourite Christmas carol – Silent Night.
For me though, this song is far more than a beautiful voice and great imagery. It speaks of a holy night long ago in Bethlehem when a young couple, May and Joseph, trusted their father in heaven and saw the fulfillment of what had been foretold and prophesied hundreds of years before. It speaks of the birth of a king in a stable. The rest of his life we know from history.
And that same baby, Jesus, is in fact what CHRISTmas is all about. And that same baby born in that manger changed my own life around nearly 25 years ago …
Gilbert Arena’s is an American basketball player for the Orlando Magic in the NBA. He is a 3x NAB All-Star, 3x member of the All-NBA Teams and was voted the NBA’s Most Improved Player in 2002-03.
Sounds great doesn’t it ? … well is wasn’t always great … listen to his story.
To use his own words …
My number is 0 – it reminds me of what people thought of me.
Noone believes in me anyway. So I’m going to fight for it.
Believing in myself when noone else did.
Prove everyone wrong.
1st 40 games sitting on the bench. Feeling depressed, useless, full of doubts. Tears. Pain.
Zero to hero.
My challenge:
When you want to do something great in life; when you have a vision and a dream for what you want; when you’re going after something … never be surprised that there will be doubters, sceptics, mockers and opposition. But never let anyone else’s expectations define your future. Choose to believe more in yourself than other people might believe in you. Choose to think differently. Choose to take responsibility for your own life and define your own success adn journey. These are the internal choices you will need to make. Noone will see them but these are the iron clad decisions and lines in the sand you will make inside. And from there you will add hard work, strategy, talent, perseverance and everything else it takes to get to where you want to … Just like Gilbert Arena ! From zero to hero … and your story is next …
I want to share with you today a little bit of information about something that is either your best friend or your worst master. It is your constant companion. It will either work for you or against you. It will push you forward or drag you backwards. In fact, it is the servant of all great people, and alas, of many failures as well. It is completely at your command and once set-up it is easily managed. In fact, if you handed things many of the things you did over to it, it would be able to save you a lot of trouble and do them quickly, correctly and automatically. Run it for profit or ruin, it doesn’t mind, even though it isn’t a machine. Manage it firmly and train it and it will place the world at your feet, but be easy with it, and it will destroy you.
What is it ? … it is HABIT.
‘The beginning of a habit is like an invisible thread, but every time we repeat the act, we strengthen the strand, add to it another filament, until it becomes a great cable and binds us irrevocably, thought and act.’
(Orison Swett Marden)
Habits are those behaviours that we acquire, repeat regularly and continually do, and that then become almost involuntary and automatic. An example of this might be (on the negative) nail biting and (on the positive) the habit of looking both ways before we cross the street. The point about habits is that it you don’t have to think about them, so they can be both positive and negative.
When we’re engaging in a habit, we’re acting subconsciously. Psychologically this is because our brain develops blueprints/templates for how it will act to certain stimuli and situations – neural pathways that it runs so that it doesn’t need to process everything consciously.
So you can see how our habits can be the best of servants (and help us) or the worst of masters (and hinder us).
So here’s 7 things to know about habits so you can use them to serve you well.
1. A habit must be fed in order to grow
To overcome a bad habit you must starve it. And to build a new one you must feed it. Pretty simple really. So feed only the habit you want to build and grow.
2. Little things add up to big things – habits build destinies
Since our habits can help us or hinder us, you can understand that when we make little changes and put them on auto-pilot, they can add up to big changes. Think of the benefit you’d gain, for example, if you made a habit of getting up a few minutes earlier in the morning. Or of taking the stairs instead of the elevator, saving a bit of money each week, paying your bills on time, drinking water throughout the day, staying in touch with friends, exercising daily, doing a bit of reading every day, writing in a journal, always being prepared to try to push out that last repetition, always looking at your goals and reminding yourself of your ‘why’ and so on. Imagine you actually do each of these activities without thinking about it or without the mucking about in your mind that goes on when you’re trying to decide whether to initiate an action. Your good or bad habits can shape your future. What you do each day will, in many ways, determine what you become permanently. So use your habits for you not against you !
3. Habits determine your focus
Your habits will determine where you direct your energy and focus. Will you focus on what can be or what can’t be?Will you invest into your future or will your laziness pay off now? Will you value relationships or time on the X-box? Your habits don’t only influence but determine your focus.
4. In forming good habits there can be no exceptions
Unfortunately when establishing a habit there can be no luxury as “I’ll let it go just this once”. That’s a chink in the armour, a crack in the wall you are building. Because excuses grow and grow. The time you let is slip by will mean that little voice in your head allows you to let it slip just than one extra time. You know it will. So there can be no exceptions. Just as the quote above says – a great cable that binds our thoughts and acts irrevocably.
5. You are in control – you determine your habits
Be encouraged. Habits can be changed. New habits formed. New neural pathways developed. New patterns formed. That is up to you. It is just a decision that you make that you then need to back up with the cold, hard action. But you are always in control. It doesn’t happen by magic – you control if you will feed a good habit or a bad habit. It’s never easy and in writing this I am exactly the same as you when I think of lots of things I’d like to do better or not do. Hey, life isn’t supposed to be some arduous, mechanical daze of instituting habits. But, the fact is, they do have a big influence on our lives; they are either our best of friends or the worst of masters; and we are in control of that!
6. To change a habit – make it simple and doable.
Just try and change one habit at a time and make your change simple. To establish your habit, involve only one or two rules not a dozen. For example, the habit of exercising once a day for at least 30 minutes is easier to follow than exercising on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays by doing yoga the first day and mountain biking the third day, except when its’ a rainy day, in which case you’ll do … Simple rules lead to habits; simple rules you can then put into practice consistently for a good month so you create a good habit and make it stick.
And make it ‘doable’. For example, if you want to go for a walk every morning for an hour, the habit might be great, but the length of time you need might cause you to subconsciously undermine your best efforts and motivations. Therefore, keep the walk short in the beginning – say, 10 minutes. Do it every day for a couple of weeks until you’ve firmly installed the habit. Then, extend the time so you do the hour of walking – you’ll find that’s the easy part.
7. Use leverage and strategies eg replace lost needs
Use whatever leverage and strategies you can to help you establish your habit and give you that extra push / motivation. Give a friend $100 on the condition that s/he returns it to you only when you’ve completed 30 days without fail. Make a public commitment to everyone you know that you’re going to stick with the good habit. Offer yourself a reward if you stick to the habit for a month. Coat your nails with bitters, put band-aids over the ends of them, or put a sugar-free lollypop in your mouth to stop you biting your nails. Make it hard for yourself to stay in bed and press the snooze button by moving your alarm to the other side of the bed and set the lights on a timer. Put a lock on fridge and give the key to your partner. Whatever it is and whatever leverage / strategy you come up with to break the cycle and establish your new habit. And don’t forget to replace lost needs. For example, if you opened up your computer and started removing hardware, what would happen? Chances are your computer wouldn’t work. Similarly, you can’t just delete habits without replacing the needs they meet. To give up TV, for example, you might need to find a new way to relax, socialise or get information.
My challenge
What habits help you ? What habits hinder you ? Will you decide to change anything today ?
Pessimists. Cynics. Sceptics. Optimists. Realists … what’s the difference ?
If there is one thing that bugs me it is pessimists. And the funny thing is that I’d say my father is one. My father is an amazing man and if I can be half the man my father is, I’d be happy. But I’ve got to say that I’m thankful that somehow I didn’t get those genes and instead was born and fashioned with a desire to see the glass half full (sorry Dad !). To see things how they could be, as opposed to what they couldn’t. To choose to believe the best and to be hopeful and optimistic, instead of seeing what could go wrong or why someting wont work. My Dad would say he’s a realist. I’d say he’s a cynic / a pessimist ! So what’s the difference ?
A Cynic – this is someone who is always pessimistic. They had hope but they now ‘polute the attitude pond we all drink from’. Always seeing the worst. Seeing the glass half-full. Pointing out what could go wrong. Pointing out why something wont happen. And so on and so forth – you get the jist.
A Sceptic – is someone who suspends good or bad judgement until they’re convinced. This frame is very powerful as it makes thinking OK and negative whiney judgement as not. Critical thinking and time to process and consider is not wrong at all. It’s not negative thinking to prepare for all eventualities. It’s fine to discuss the downside of any idea and to build a plan. You see a sceptic can still see the glass half full. They just need to be convinced first.
My challenge
What are you like ?
Scepticism is fine, but my challenge is that the end point of any critical thinking or consideration should still be an optimistic attitude. Why have anything else ?
“You see things; and you say, ‘Why?’ But I dream things that never were; and I say, ‘Why not?’”
(George Bernard Shaw)
It is funny isn’t it how someone’s raw and real-life story smacks you in the face and makes you realise how lucky you are. Whether it be the beggars you pass in the street in India, the smiling face of an African child playing in the dust, or … Amy Purdy !
Stop and be thankful for how blessed you are to even be watching this. And determine that these little shots of inspiration will move you to live a significant, meaningful purposeful life – a life that counts !
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