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Are you happy ? … how to get happiness

Happiness. We all want to be happy don't we. It's on top of all of our lists when it comes to things we want in our life. And its the same for everyone – regardless of where you live in the world; no matter how rich or poor you are; no matter your background or your age – we all want to be happy.

The question then is how ? Some try and achieve it through money and wealth (buying happiness). Others through service and charity. Others through achievements. Others through meditation. Others through drugs and alcohol. Others through relationships and sex.

So what makes you happy ? Perhaps you remember a past blog I wrote on happiness where I shared some findings around happiness. Some of the key points I wrote about were:

Surprisingly, according to this research, genetics play a bigger role than we would have first thought in our happiness. And yet, life's circumstances (our wealth, material possessions, what happens to us) play a much smaller role than we would have first thought. It is why a Masai herdsman can be as happy as a multi-millionaire (see details here). Or why a lottery winner and a paraplegic can return to the same previous long-term happiness level (see this article and see here).
Most importantly, a big part of our happiness is determined by our intentional activity – what we think and what we do. And the good news is that this is in our control – so in this way happiness is a choice. So if we find and use strategies focussed on increasing our happiness (exercise gratitude, enjoy pleasurable activities, improve your stress management skills, manage and harness your thoughts, focussing on those things and those people that make you happy, make sure you are striving after the right goals for the right reasons etc) it can have a big effect.

So with that in mind, here's a couple of thoughts from my life experience so far as to things you can do that will contribute to being happier.

1. Realise that it's your life and that you (and noone else) is responsible for your happiness. This sounds so chiche, but it's true. You along know what makes you happy. You alone cultivate those things in your life. You alone do those activities, and surround yourself with those people, and think those thoughts, and make those decisions that contribute to your happiness. You alone create the happy life you dream of. You and not someone else.

2. Don't live your life by other people's expectations or to try to please everyone. Don't live to please others. And don't live by their expectations and their comments. You'll never please everyone anyway and it honestly doesn't really matter that they think anyway. Live your life by the beat of your own drum. Live your life how you want to and on your terms.

3. Quit worrying. What will worrying add to your life? It is time and energy invested in what you think and hope wont happen, and may not actually happen. Worrying achieves absolutely nothing. It isn't productive. It wastes precious time. It is destructive in many cases. And it puts your focus in the wrong direction. Learn to quit worrying and you'll be a whole lot happier.

4. You can't buy happiness. Never forget that the best things in life truly are free. Health. Love. Relationships. Satsfaction. Enjoyment. Purpose. Happiness. You can't buy these. We try and fill our life with things that give us 'momentary' pleasure. And in many respects these 'things' complicate our lives. Life is simpler than that. And happiness is simpler than that too – despite what the world tries to tell us.

My Challenge
What makes you happy ? Find out. Cultivate and embrace these things. Implement them in your life. And let your happiness be the judge and proof of if they make a difference.

We’re both scared but for different reasons

We’re both scared but for different reasons.
I’m scared of what I wont become.
You’re scared of what I could become.
I wont let myself end where I started.
I wont let myself finish where I began.
I know what’s is within me even if you can’t see it yet …
I will become what I know I am.

Fear holds so many of us back. And it comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes. It could be the fear of failure. Or it could be the fear of success. It could be the fear of letting others down. The fear of disappointing your parents or teacher. It could be many things.
But here’s something I’ve learnt it my own life and also when interviewing the 10 famous Australians for my book A Life That Counts. Successful people face the same fears as we do. It is not that they are not afraid. It is that they choose to ignore it. They choose to do something regardless of their fear. They choose to adopt a different mindset with that fear.

You see fearlessness is not the same as the absence of fear. The fearless person is well aware of the fear she faces. The fear, though, becomes a compass, not a barrier. It becomes a way to know what to do next, not something that has to be denied or an evil demon to be extinguished. When we deny our fear, we make it stronger. And trying to deny it doesn’t make us fearless.

But acknowledging your fear and moving on / choosing a new (brave) mindset permits any fear to exist without strengthening it or letting it control you.

“We’re both scared but for different reasons.
I’m scared of what I wont become.
You’re scared of what I could become.”

Challenge
The fear will not necessarily go away. So what new empowering and brave mindset will you adopt despite the fears you have ?

The suspended coffee – paying it forward

I remember when I was writing my book A Life That Counts I was confronted with what my life actually stood for. Basically I had a great family, great friends, lived in a beautiful democratic country, and had spent my life pursuing sporting goals and working hard in banking and finance to effectively contribute to a share price improving.

And in stark contrast I wrote about the issues of human trafficking and global poverty.

It all seemed so ridiculous.

Now I know you can’t always think like this, but it challenges me all the time. Whilst 1.4 billion people live on less than US$1.25 per day, I would throw around money for drycleaning and complain about the jetcat being late.

Then I came across this little story to warm my heart and encourage me to do little things along the way to doing greater things that make a difference.

“We enter a little coffeehouse with a friend of mine and give our order. While we’re approaching our table two people come in and they go to the counter :

‘Five coffees, please. Two of them for us and three suspended’
They pay for their order, take the two and leave. I ask my friend:
‘What are those ‘suspended’ coffees ?’
‘Wait for it and you will see’
Some more people enter. Two girls ask for one coffee each, pay and go. The next order was for seven coffees and it was made by three lawyers – three for them and four ‘suspended’. While I still wonder what’s the deal with those ‘suspended’ coffees I enjoy the sunny weather and the beautiful view towards the square infront of the café. Suddenly a man dressed in shabby clothes who looks like a beggar comes in throught the door and kindly asks ‘Do you have a suspended coffee ?’

It’s simple – people pay in advance for a coffee meant for someone who can not afford a warm bevarage. The tradition with the suspended coffees started in Naples, but it has spread all over the world and in some places you can order not only a suspended coffee, but also a sandwich or a whole meal.

Challenge / Thought
Don’t you love the idea? Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have such cafés or even grocery stores in every town where the less fortunate will find hope and support? If you own a business why don’t you offer something similar to your clients. As for me I’m determined to find ways to pay it forward more.

Wanting something you've never had

It was the brainiac Albert Einstein who said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. And he would know, after his countless experiments formed the basis for him publishing more than 300 scientific papers and 150 non-scientific works !

But, back to the point … in the same vein, it follows that if you want something you’ve never had, then you’ve got to do something you’ve never done.

The problem is, though, that it’s often as if there are invisible hands that hold us back when we want to do something we’ve never done. And this is what I want to focus in on today. So what are examples of these invisible hands? Well here’s some of them:

1. CHANGE
None of us like change. We are creatures of habit. If you want things to change you’re going to have to get to a point where you embrace change. Pretty obvious isn’t it. But easier said than done. Enough said ! To do something you’ve never done will require embracing change.

2. FEAR
We all have fears, and they come in many shapes and sizes. And they can emanate from many areas and for many reasons. But their effects are the same – doubt, hopelessness, nervousness, and the desire to shrink back rather than move forward. For example – fear of failure. Unlike kids, as adults, we often visualise the outcome already don’t we. So why would we begin or try something new or do something we’ve never done when we might embarrass ourselves and make a fool of ourselves? We see what could happen in the negative, rather than what could happen in the positive. The challenge is not to let that fear or those fears be a controlling influence on us and to cause us to stop moving forward in the direction of our dreams. It’s a choice. Plain and simple.

That’s a key point I’ve definitely discovered in my journey through life so far and through the opportunity I’ve had to meet and interview some incredible people as I did for my book. It is clear to me that people who accomplish incredible things face the very same fears as you and I do. The difference – they choose to take a different approach and mindset. They choose to see the glass half full. They choose to see the potential and possible outcome. They choose to dare to dream and follow those dreams. They choose to think bigger and broader about what’s possible and to have a go regardless of the ultimate outcome. They choose to see possibilities and dreams and to ask, ‘Why not?’ rather than see things and ask, ‘Why?’ They choose to believe the reasons why they’ll achieve their dream, not the reasons why they won’t achieve it. They make a conscious choice.

It reminds me of something Australian Rugby League player, Jason Stevens, said to me when interviewing him.
“Before a game, I was pretty much always fearful – especially in a big game like State of Origin, where there are millions watching. You have the expectations of fans, and you don’t want to let anybody down. For me, the feeling of fear never really went away, but what I learnt was to do things afraid.”

3. LIMITING MINDSETS
To do something we’ve never done requires a mental shift doesn’t it? A change of paradigm. Adopting a new view. Having a change of attitude. This is where it starts as our mindset effects our actions which then effects the outcome.
But this is easier said than done isn’t it? The crazy thing though is that it is often our own self-limitations that hold us back the most as opposed to limitations ‘imposed’ on us by others. It’s as if we’re chained up by our own choice. I mean, there’s not one person in a hundred who couldn’t write down his or her most exciting dream and not at the same time tell you, ‘It’s probably impossible; it’ll never happen.’ There’s not one person in a hundred who couldn’t give you good reasons why his or her dreams won’t come to pass and why he or she won’t achieve what he or she would like to. This is not a new problem. But, if you want something you’ve never had ==>> then you’ve got to do something you’ve never done ==> to do this you need to deal with your self-imposed limitations and adopt a new attitude that will lead to new behaviour.

As athletes we deal with self-imposed limiting mindsets all the time. If we don’t, we’ll never break through that invisible barrier and set a new ‘personal best’. Or we’ll never beat that person we’ve never beaten. So here’s a few ways myself and others have used to help us adopt an attitude that will then help us act differently and lead to new results.

A) Visualise the positive outcome – When I’m going to the gym for a ‘testing’ session, do you think I go up to the squat rack, look at the 272.5 kg ‘personal best’ on the bar and think, I can’t lift that weight once, let alone twice or three times!? Or Wow, that looks heavy; I’ve never lifted that weight before!? Of course not! If I did, I’d never progress as an athlete. I’d never push the boundaries, improve, and move forward. Instead, during the days leading up to that testing session, then while I’m warming up, and also immediately before I put the weight on my shoulders, I close my eyes and imagine myself lifting that weight. I tell myself, You can do this. You love this. You’re strong and powerful, and this is light. This is only an extra 5 kilograms, or 2 per cent. This is easy. I do this over and over to ensure I shatter that limiting mindset and put the positive image / mindset front and centre.

B) Foster unlimited thinking – Australia’s famous Paralympian and World Sportsperson of the Year, Michael Milton (whom I feature in my book used to inspire himself to unlimited thinking in the following way … ‘I remember that with my goal-setting, I used to grab a tape measure and put a mark of 2 metres and 8 centimetres – 2.08 metres – on the wall, which is the world high-jump record for an athlete with one leg. If you can imagine a guy hopping up to a bar and then hopping over a 2 metre bar without touching it, for me that was something that always inspired me and reminded me, when setting my goals, to set the bar high so that I made sure my goal was challenging enough yet realistic.’

C) Becoming aware of your thoughts – Olympic Gold medallist Lydia Lassila describes how before she could change her thoughts she first needed to become consciously aware of all the limiting thoughts going through her brain. “If you think about even one hour in a day, there are so many thoughts going through your mind; lots of garbage and lots of thoughts that don’t serve you . . . Becoming consciously aware of all these thoughts going through your head allows you to then analyse your beliefs . . . to be able to change your thinking.”

CHALLENGE

Your outcome (something you’ve never had) ==>>
is determined by your actions (doing something you’ve never done) ==>>
and your actions are first influenced by your thoughts

So the statement at the top of this post is true, but it actually starts with your thoughts.
So my challenge is to think about the invisible hands (your thoughts) that might be first holding you back.
Thoughts around 1) Change 2) Fears 3) Limiting Mindsets

For more help and information read
A Life That Counts

Pure inspiration V – Arthur Boorman

Here’s something to start your new year off with a new mindset and inspiration.

This video shows the remarkable transformation Arthur Boorman made in his life in less than a year. Authur was a disabled veteran of the Gulf War for 15 years, and was told by his doctors that he would never be able to walk on his own – never, ever !

He stumbled upon an article about Diamond Dallas Page doing Yoga and decided to give it a try — he couldn’t do traditional, higher impact exercise, so he tried DDP YOGA and sent an email to Dallas telling him his story. Dallas was so moved by his story, he began emailing and speaking on the phone with Arthur throughout his journey – he encouraged Arthur to keep going and to believe that anything was possible. Even though doctors told him walking would never happen, Arthur was persistent. He fell many times, but kept going. As he did he not only lost a lot of weight, he gained tremendous balance and flexibility. But more than that – he gained the hope that maybe someday he’d walk again. And he did !

His story is proof, that we cannot place limits on what we are capable of doing, because we often do not know our own potential. Niether Arthur, nor Dallas knew what he would go on to accomplish, but this video speaks for itself. In less than a year, Arthur completely transformed his life. If only he had known what he was capable of, 15 years earlier !

Do not waste any time thinking you are stuck – you can take control over your life, and change it faster than you might think.

So may this video give you that injection of inspiration you need for 2013. Believe in yourself and go after your dreams – whatever they are – they might just come true !

Most people …

Most people are afraid to take action.

Most people don’t care enough to make a difference.

Most people aren’t going to buy that new thing you’re selling.

Most people are too self-involved to do the generous work you’re hoping for.

Most people think they can’t afford it.

Most people won’t talk about it.

Most people aren’t going to read what you wrote.

Most people find it easier to criticise than to offer praise and encouragement.

… But you’re not most people !
And nor do you want to be most people right ?
And your best customers aren’t most people. Neither are your best supporters. Nor are those joining you on the journey.

One thing I’ve learnt over the last number of years is that when you dream big and are bold enough to dare to dream and to share that with others, it is surprising how many people are happy to tell you it can’t be done or to criticise or doubt you in some way. In fact, you’ll meet more people who’ll tell you that you can’t do something than you’ll meet people who’ll encourage you and tell you that you can. You’ll meet more people who’ll tell you that it’s a stupid idea than you’ll meet people who’ll tell you that that it’s a great idea.

There isn’t one autobiography I’ve read of people who’ve achieved amazing things who haven’t been told by people that they couldn’t do it. Think about people like Sir Richard Branson, Bill Gates, Sir Edmund Hilary, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King, Gai Waterhouse, Michael Milton, Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, Kurt Fearnley, Dr Suess, Salma Hayek, Walt Disney to name just a few. (For more examples click here).

And so I’ve learnt that it is a choice to have self-belief and not be limited by other people’s expectations or opinions. It’s a choice to ignore them and believe in something different that’s inside you, to believe you can do it rather than that you can’t. It’s a choice to choose to not be most people.

Challenge
Don’t be like most people.
In any case you’re unique and there’s only one of you in the entire world.

Pure Inspiration IV – Sung-bong Choi

I’m in tears as I write this. This is pure inspiration – exactly what I want this blog to provide. To give you and I together another dose of inspiration for our week.

And what a dose of inspiration it is. An example of how your past doesn’t define your future. An example of guts and inner fortitude, but also of good decisions. Consider the courage it took to get himself off the street; the courage to take any singing lessons in the first place; and the massive courage to go on the show when Sung-bong thought he was an average singer (even if he was wrong !). An example of the dignity of a young man and the honest compassion of the judges.

May you be inspired to not let your past define your future and to go after your dreams with all you have.

To dare – the quest of Mt Midoriyama

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYcxmJP27dc

Ninja Warrior is a reality-based television show where competitors from across the country attempt to successfully navigate extremely difficult obstacle courses as they progress through the competition. If competitors successfully pass the initial trial stages, they receive the right to attempt what is regarded as the most difficult obstacle course in the world, held at Mt. Midoriyama. Ninja Warrior is divided up into four stages each of which has several challenging obstacles. Every year, or occasionally every season, Mt. Midoriyama opens its gates to allow 100 athletes to try to take on its obstacle courses. Over 14 years and through twenty seven tournaments, only three individuals have ever succeeded. All other 2,697 Ninja Warrior attempts were met with bitter defeat. It’s an unforgiving competition, where one slip of the foot, or one mistimed jump or one mistake can de-rail and eliminate you. All of the hard work contestants have put in, all of the dreams they might have had … can be gone in a second.

Now I’m with you – the show’s name and the quest to become a ‘Ninja Warrior’ – well, it probably makes you roll your eyes doesn’t it !! But take a look at the calibre of athletes attempting this. Many of these athletes train all year long on self-designed obstacle courses just for the mere possibility of getting the chance to attempt Mt. Midoriyama. They invest their time, make sacrifices, and risk injury in the hopes of accomplishing what so few have successfully done.

While only three out of thousands have reached the pinnacle of success in this sport, there have likely been thousands more that failed to even make the attempt because of fear of failure or fear of embarrassment. When they fail at Ninja Warrior it is seldom gracefully … and it’s on national television !

To dare is to lose one’s footing momentarily. To not dare is to lose oneself. (Soren Kierkegaard)

But take the TV cameras away and isn’t it the same thing ? … many of us would rather not attempt the obstacle course because of the high likelihood of not succeeding than have a go. And this is the point … many of us don’t dare to have a go because we want to know that we’ll be successful and achieve that goal before we even start. But that isn’t the way life works or achieving great things goes is it.

Ask anyone who has achieved anything great and they’ll tell you what the path looks like. It starts with a decision. A decision to believe and step-out even though you don’t know if you’ll achieve what you want. There are set-backs and there are disappointments along the way. It requires discipline and planning and strategy. It requires ignoring many people who find it easier to say/shout/proclaim from the sidelines that it can’t be done instead of having the guts to try it themselves. It takes developing a belief in yourself because you have to overcome not only the doubts of others, but you’re own doubts. It requires learning to ‘enjoy’ the process of the stretching and self-growth and the challenge that chasing that goal requires.

Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly. (Robert Kennedy)

We all have our own Mt. Midoriyama we want to conquer. It could be a character trait or an event or an experience or some other sort of goal or vision we have for our lives. So here’s a few thoughts to challenge and help you conquer your own Mt. Midoriyama.

1) Be Willing to Take Risks. Most individuals are extremely risk adverse in their approach to life. Make no mistake, whether you are attempting to achieve financial success or sporting success or some other goal, you are going to have to leave your comfort zone. For example, you can’t become a successful trader by simply doing virtual trades your whole life. And you can’t become a good sailor by staying on the shore. At some point you are going to have to take a risk.

2) Doubt doubt. Do not be surprised. Unfortunately whenever you set off on your journey to achieve great things, you will not always have the support of friends, colleagues, and even family members. Do not be naive in this regard. Not everyone will embrace your journey. There will be doubters. It is easier to knock someone else down than to do it yourself. Be prepared to ignore this negativity and create a self-belief and a self-determination.

3) Be stubborn in a good way. Along your quest to conquer your Mt. Midoriyama, you will face the cold hard reality of how much you actually want it. And the answer will be very simple – you’ll either give up or you wont. You’ll either see something as an obstacle that will stop you or a barrier to your success that needs to be overcome (because you will achieve – when is the question). You see there are far too many books out there like ‘The Secret’ that espouse the ‘believe and you can achieve’ sort of philosophy. Belief is just one part of the journey. The other half is determination, hard-work, stubborness, perseverence, desire, discipline, training, willingness to critique and learn and so on. So count the cost before you start and know that when you face obstacles on your path to success, you will no doubt face the cold hard questions. What will be your answer?

Challenge
Let me leave you with one of my favourite quotes. Hopefully it is enough to get you moving and going after what you really want, or to overcome whatever it is that is holding you back.

You’ll always miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. (Wayne Gretzky)

Advice from a Tree

A Life That Counts – part II – no limits

You might a past post I wrote following Steve Jobs death and a recent post of mine where I was reflecting on where I was going and what I was doing as I create the life that I want. And you might remember me giving myself a bit of an uppercut given I’ve written a book about all this ! 🙂

Well after that uppercut, came this … a hit over the head !!!!

How can you not be fired up by this ? Or is it just me? Enjoy and be inspired and challenged.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=He5A9dvUP-s