Life lessons Archives | jeremyrolleston.com

Fishing without knowing it is not fish you’re after

“Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing it is not fish they are after”
(Henry David Thoreau)

It’s a funny quote this isn’t it because it could be interpreted in a few ways. For me it makes me think of two things.

Firstly, the journey. In today’s society we are so goal focussed. And I’m certainly guilty of this – both as an individual and also as someone who writes on this and speaks on this a lot. But ‘guilty’ is not the right word because being purpose-driven and having a dream and chasing goals around this dream is not a bad thing at all. In fact it is a great thing. BUT, often we spend our whole lives chasing the goal (our whole lives fishing), without realising that it is not in the achievement, but in the activity itself that we find enjoyment, meaning and value. Is the contestant on The Biggest Loser proud of losing all that weight? Of course. But do they also look back and realise they are prouder of the person they’ve become through the journey that enabled them to lose that weight?! Is the Olympian proud of getting to the Olympics? Of course. But are they also proud of the journey and what it took to even qualify and get there?!

Secondly, perspective. When I wrote A Life That Counts and chose the title it was because I wanted to challenge us as to what it means to live a life that really matters and stands for something. I’m all for following my/your dreams and achieving my/your goals. I write about this and speak about this so often. But, they’re just part of the picture of life. They’re not the whole fabric. The purpose of life is far greater than our own personal fulfilment, our career and our own peace of mind. It is not measured solely by an Olympic medal, by a particular goal achieved, by how wealthy you are and what you earn, by how many twitter followers you have, or by public recognition and fame. After all, at our funeral and after we die, it’s not our achievements, our degrees, our bank balance or our fame that people will really remember and speak about. I write more about this in the last chapter of my book. What is it to live a life that counts?

Furthermore, happiness and fulfilment aren’t ‘out there’, they’re within. They’re independent of circumstance and they don’t rest solely on whether we achieve a specific goal. Succeeding in the game of life is bigger than all this. How often do we go running after things that we think will make us happy, only to realise that they don’t ultimately satisfy? The next car. The next job. The next girl or boy. The next drug. The next adventure or experience. We go fishing to catch one kind of fish and realise it doesn’t make us happy, so we try and catch another one. We spend our whole lives fishing without realising it’s not the fish that will make us happy. As a christian, it reminds me of the wise words of Jesus “What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world yet forfeits his soul. And what can a man give in exchange for his soul?” (Matthew 16:26). For me, Jesus is the only one that could satisfy my heart and fill that God-shaped hole that I tried to fill with so many other things. He is the only one that could fill me with a peace which is unexplainable.

Many men go fishing their whole lives, without knowing it is not fish they’re after. Food for thought.

Are you happy ? … how to get happiness

Happiness. We all want to be happy don't we. It's on top of all of our lists when it comes to things we want in our life. And its the same for everyone – regardless of where you live in the world; no matter how rich or poor you are; no matter your background or your age – we all want to be happy.

The question then is how ? Some try and achieve it through money and wealth (buying happiness). Others through service and charity. Others through achievements. Others through meditation. Others through drugs and alcohol. Others through relationships and sex.

So what makes you happy ? Perhaps you remember a past blog I wrote on happiness where I shared some findings around happiness. Some of the key points I wrote about were:

Surprisingly, according to this research, genetics play a bigger role than we would have first thought in our happiness. And yet, life's circumstances (our wealth, material possessions, what happens to us) play a much smaller role than we would have first thought. It is why a Masai herdsman can be as happy as a multi-millionaire (see details here). Or why a lottery winner and a paraplegic can return to the same previous long-term happiness level (see this article and see here).
Most importantly, a big part of our happiness is determined by our intentional activity – what we think and what we do. And the good news is that this is in our control – so in this way happiness is a choice. So if we find and use strategies focussed on increasing our happiness (exercise gratitude, enjoy pleasurable activities, improve your stress management skills, manage and harness your thoughts, focussing on those things and those people that make you happy, make sure you are striving after the right goals for the right reasons etc) it can have a big effect.

So with that in mind, here's a couple of thoughts from my life experience so far as to things you can do that will contribute to being happier.

1. Realise that it's your life and that you (and noone else) is responsible for your happiness. This sounds so chiche, but it's true. You along know what makes you happy. You alone cultivate those things in your life. You alone do those activities, and surround yourself with those people, and think those thoughts, and make those decisions that contribute to your happiness. You alone create the happy life you dream of. You and not someone else.

2. Don't live your life by other people's expectations or to try to please everyone. Don't live to please others. And don't live by their expectations and their comments. You'll never please everyone anyway and it honestly doesn't really matter that they think anyway. Live your life by the beat of your own drum. Live your life how you want to and on your terms.

3. Quit worrying. What will worrying add to your life? It is time and energy invested in what you think and hope wont happen, and may not actually happen. Worrying achieves absolutely nothing. It isn't productive. It wastes precious time. It is destructive in many cases. And it puts your focus in the wrong direction. Learn to quit worrying and you'll be a whole lot happier.

4. You can't buy happiness. Never forget that the best things in life truly are free. Health. Love. Relationships. Satsfaction. Enjoyment. Purpose. Happiness. You can't buy these. We try and fill our life with things that give us 'momentary' pleasure. And in many respects these 'things' complicate our lives. Life is simpler than that. And happiness is simpler than that too – despite what the world tries to tell us.

My Challenge
What makes you happy ? Find out. Cultivate and embrace these things. Implement them in your life. And let your happiness be the judge and proof of if they make a difference.

The irony of judement

There’s a funny story to when I learnt this. I had won some money whilst working at ANZ and was able to spend it on my own self-development. I could do whatever I wanted as long as it got signed off. Well, whilst some went off and started their masters, and others did some specific courses on offer … I went ice-climbing in NZ.

Well aside from that being a life experience (and a frightening one for that matter), I also did a whole host of personality profiles. I did one called the LSI (Lifestyles Inventory) and as part of this you get your family / friends/ boss / employees to fill out a comprehensive questionnaire on you. And then you do the same yourself. You then compare the two results and low and behold others see you differently to how you see yourself.

The life lesson learnt – you judge others by their actions but yourself by your intentions.

It is said that when you point the finger you have one finger pointing at someone else, but don’t forget you have 4 fingers still pointing back at you. And the Bible puts it like this “Get the log out of your own eye before you get the speck out of someone elses”.

Challenge
Before we judge others, we should first judge ourselves.
And if ever we do judge others we should never forget to judge ourselves by the same standards to avoid being hypocritical.
After all, we judge others by their actions but ourselves by our intentions.

Advice from a Tree

How to determine the price of anything

“The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it”

It’s true. When I was training for my first Olympics everything came second – relationships, work, my social life, my finances. Sure I would try to create balance in there and juggle all the balls in the air as best I could. BUT, if it came down to it, I knew which decision I’d make. It was clear. I would sacrifice and give up to reach my goal / dream. I exchanged a lot of life to achieve that goal. It extracted a high price … but it was worth it.

It’s funny though. I saw the other side recently. I went to the London Olympic Games athlete farewell dinner. It is always inspiring and motivating as you see videos and hear interviews with current and past athletes. (Bring on the London Olympics !)

Olympic athletes farewell dinner video

In fact at one of these dinners 3 years ago I remember hosting a corporate table (each athlete is assigned to host a corporate sponsors table) and I remember thinking – “I don’t want to be one of these business guys sitting here on the table – there’s plenty of time for that. I want to be the athlete. And in any case, when you’re retired, you’re retired for a long time !” And in that moment I decided to come out of retirement and began training for Vancouver 2010 … And despite what happened in the race in Vancouver, I have no regrets. I’m glad I did it. The price I paid was fine. The life I exchanged for achieving my dream was worth it – despite the way it turned out.

So there I was at this London Olympic team athletes farewell dinner, having just recently retired a few months ago. I was inspired. I was motivated. But I knew that this time I wasn’t going to come out of retirement as the price was too high. I wasn’t prepared to sacrifice my career any longer; or commit all those hours to that hard training; or put relationships second; or to put all that money into training / travelling / equipment; or to always make apologies for social events or leave early if I did go. Simply put, the price was now too high. The opportunity cost was too high. I was and am no longer prepared to exchange that same amount of life in order to get to my 3rd Olympics in Sochi.

And don’t we see this in all areas of our lives … we see marriages breaking down as people work longer hours and are never home. They exchange a lot of life to be successful in business – but is the exchange and the price you paid worth it ? We see people become stupidly body conscious. We see people pursuing money at any cost – even of their own integrity. It’s always an exchange isn’t it.

“It’s true … the price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it … food for thought !”

Life lessons – Part III

Do you remember two recent posts of mine that contained some wonderful life lessons
20 lessons from a mother to a son
If I should have a daughter, instead of mum, she’s going to call be Point B

Well in celebration of that, I thought I’d continue with that. After all wisdom is to highly valued and as my mum used to tell me “knowledge is no burden to carry !”. So here are 45 life lessons that Regina Brett wrote in celebration of her getting older. This is her most requested column ever.

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short – enjoy it.

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick.
Your friends and family will.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. Its OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. Its OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.

18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It’s never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive but don’t forget.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have not what you need.

42. The best is yet to come…

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.”

Here’s to living an amazing life – life to the full !

20 things a mother should tell her son

"If I should have a daughter, instead of Mum, she's gonna call me Point B … "

Something a little different for your this week … spoken poetry – by Sarah Kay.

What I hear you say. Jeremy – you’ve changed ! Ah, but be careful not to judge a book by its cover – it is not everyone who gets a standing ovation when they give a TED talk !

So, enjoy and don’t forget the lessons here contained amongst the verse. May it challenge, inspire and encourage.

If I should have a daughter

The biggest legacy Steve Jobs left wasn’t the mac / ipod / iphone …

RIP Steve Jobs. An amazing man. An entrepreneur. A visionary. The founder of Apple and Pixar and Next. A man who changed the world as we know it. But more than that. A great human being. A family man. A man who did what he loved.

Watch this video – his commencement address at Stanford University. There is no need to say anymore. What he says in this is the biggest legacy / lesson he could leave us – far more than the Apple Mac computer, the ipod, the iphone etc.

“I love what I do … You’ve got to find what you love … if you haven’t found it yet, keep looking and don’t settle. And as with all matters of the heart, you’ll know it when you find it !”

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve encoutered to make the big choices in life … the best way of avoiding the thinking that you have something to lose.”