I thought it was time for a video and time for some more inspiration. I don’t think we can ever have enough of that !
So here’s to paying it forward and the powerful life principle shown so well in this video – give a little love, get a little love.
Challenge
I wonder what you’ll do now after watching this video …
I’m always reading books on life lessons and wisdom. Perhaps it is me just getting older. Or perhaps it is me getting wiser 🙂 and realising that the smarter person learns from the experiences / mistakes / lessons of others, rather than needing to learn everything through their own experience. Either way, I hope you’ll like this. I saw it on Facebook and thought I’d share it with you, along with a few of my own additions throughout. Enjoy.
I believe … You should take more photos. A Birth Certificate shows that we were born. A Death Certificate shows that we died. But pictures show that we have lived !They remind us of all out adventures and experiences. Of the people we’ve met and the friends we’ve had/have. They remind us of the good and the bad times; the funny times and the sad times; the silly times and the sacred moments.
I believe … That just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.
I believe … That we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I believe … That no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. No one is perfect after all and we all make mistakes, whether intentionally or not.
I believe … That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. The same goes for true love.
I believe … That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life. Regret is a terrible thing.
I believe … That it’ s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I believe … That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them. And even if it isn’t, telling people how you really feel is such a great way to live your life and enrich your relationships.
I believe … That you can keep going long after you think you can’t.
I believe … That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I believe … That either you control your attitude or it controls you. And this is one of the hardest battles. To conquer that little voice and to master your speech and thoughts. But it is a battle that is worth winning. As mindset and attitude are such keys to living a happy, enriched and fulfilled life.
I believe … That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. And the greatest heroes are often the ones no-one sees.
I believe … That money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I believe … that trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. (A great quote by George Carlin – and its true. True happiness is so much deeper and broader than just possessions or money.)
I believe … That sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.
I believe … That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.
I believe … That it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I believe … That no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop for your grief. For better or worse, life goes on.
I believe … That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I believe … Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I believe … That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don’t even know you.
I believe … That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you – you will find the strength to help.
I believe … That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I believe … That life is precious and that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.
I believe … The happiest people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have. Or said another way – happiness is not necessarily having everything you want, but wanting what you have.
I believe … we were created by God. That the world he created is incredible – from every different animal; to the miracle of birth; to the intricacy of the human eye; to the power of the human brain; to sun and wind and snow and sand; to the conscience he imprinted on everyone’s hearts. I believe that Jesus was born, lived, died and rose and that he is God – Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I believe that the bible and science aren’t mutually exclusive. In fact, I believe that there is a lot we don’t yet know about the world and a lot we may never know. I believe that religion is man-made and has a lot to answer for – and that religion and what Jesus actually taught and stood for (as we read in the bible) are often very different (sadly). I believe that God gets a bad wrap – that he isn’t a kill-joy or out to get us. He loves us far more than we will ever know and delights in doing us good. I believe you don’t need to see things to believe in them.
I believe … that wars never solve anything and that love is the answer.
The saying goes that there are two things certain in life – death and taxes. Well I disagree. There are three things certain in life – at least life as it is now – death, taxes and … change.
And oh how we hate change. And oh how we fear it. We want certainty!
In fact, we spend inordinate amounts of time at work in strategy and planning meetings – scheming the future and planning for that predictable outcome. And in our own careers and lives we do the same – planning and pursuing the dream of a certain future.
There’s nothing wrong with that of course, and I am probably the worst offender at this. Personally, I like routine and structure. But, the reality is that we live in uncertain times and there will always be change. It will be a constant companion throughout our lives. Yet too often we treat change with contempt: we ignore it, overlook it, run away from it, pretend it does not exist, or believe that we can control it through planning and strategising. We believe that our comfortable routines are the best or only way, and any attempt to disrupt them is very much avoided.
But here’s a thought – it is often our desire to avoid change and our over-attachment to certainty that can be one of our biggest enemies. Perhaps we should embrace change and not run from it. Of course unplanned events can and will impinge on our lives. Change is inconvenient, frustrating at times, uncomfortable and sometimes painful (ever tried changing a habit?). But change isn’t necessarily bad.
Change brings opportunities. People get promoted through change. People get to show their wares in new roles because of change. Change brings new techniques, methods and inventions which can result in better performances and better productivity. Change gave the 19 year old Australian cricketer (Ashton Agar) the chance to score 98 runs and break records in their first test. Change brought TV, computers and smart phones. Change gave me the random opportunity to do bobsleigh and go to two Olympics. Change gives you the opportunity to improve things. Change brings variety. Change gets rid of the old. Change brings new seasons.
So perhaps we should change our mindset around change and instead of running from it, try and embrace it and the opportunities and possibilities it brings. After all, if nothing changes, nothing changes.
But more than that – let’s not think that it needs to be a case of predictability and stability or chaos, randomness and change. Life is more complex than just saying it is one or the other. I think we should appreciate that it is neither and/or both. Unplanned events, surprises and change can and will happen. And plans aren’t bad and they can and do work. But we shouldn’t be surprised if they don’t work out precisely as you predicted, or if they fail. Satisfying and productive lives can be sufficiently ordered to enjoy a degree of stability, but with an openness to the randomness of change and the opportunities that comes with it. Both planning and change can exist together.
My challenge
Change your mindset to embrace change and figure out how it can benefit you, personally and professionally.
For example, what change would you like to see in your life right now ?
Or what change or uncertainty are you facing right now that you can see opportunities and possibilities in?
We’re both scared but for different reasons.
I’m scared of what I wont become.
You’re scared of what I could become.
I wont let myself end where I started.
I wont let myself finish where I began.
I know what’s is within me even if you can’t see it yet …
I will become what I know I am.
Fear holds so many of us back. And it comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes. It could be the fear of failure. Or it could be the fear of success. It could be the fear of letting others down. The fear of disappointing your parents or teacher. It could be many things.
But here’s something I’ve learnt it my own life and also when interviewing the 10 famous Australians for my book A Life That Counts. Successful people face the same fears as we do. It is not that they are not afraid. It is that they choose to ignore it. They choose to do something regardless of their fear. They choose to adopt a different mindset with that fear.
You see fearlessness is not the same as the absence of fear. The fearless person is well aware of the fear she faces. The fear, though, becomes a compass, not a barrier. It becomes a way to know what to do next, not something that has to be denied or an evil demon to be extinguished. When we deny our fear, we make it stronger. And trying to deny it doesn’t make us fearless.
But acknowledging your fear and moving on / choosing a new (brave) mindset permits any fear to exist without strengthening it or letting it control you.
“We’re both scared but for different reasons.
I’m scared of what I wont become.
You’re scared of what I could become.”
Challenge
The fear will not necessarily go away. So what new empowering and brave mindset will you adopt despite the fears you have ?
A Hungarian psychology professor once wrote to famous creators asking them to be interviewed for a book he was writing. One of the most interesting things about his project was how many people said “no.” Of the 275 creative people that he contacted, a third of them said “no.” Their reason was lack of time. Another third said nothing. We can assume their reason for not even saying “no” was also lack of time and possibly lack of a secretary or simple organisation. Here’s a few of their responses …
Secretary to novelist Saul Bellow: “Mr. Bellow informed me that he remains creative in the second half of life, at least in part, because he does not allow himself to be a part of other people’s ‘studies.’”
Secretary to composer György Ligeti: “He is creative and, because of this, totally overworked. Therefore, the very reason you wish to study his creative process is also the reason why he (unfortunately) does not have time to help you in this study. He would also like to add that he cannot answer your letter personally because he is trying desperately to finish a Violin Concerto which will be premiered in the Fall…”
And that’s the lesson I’ve learnt over the years. You can be busy but not productive. They’re entirely different things. In fact, I think many people in companies appear busy but are not the least bit efficient or productive. I’ve written a number of posts about how to become more productive in the past.
But I believe this particular learning is one of THE most important and if you get hold of it it is powerful and can become a cornerstone to you having a productive future. Learning to say ‘no’ will save you so much time. Learning to say ‘no’ crystallises your priorities. Learning to say ‘no’ helps you focus on those things that either you WANT to do, or that you NEED to do. Learning to say ‘no’ is the basis for the economic principle of comparative advantage – the same principle we see in action today when people outsource. Learning to say ‘no’ guards your time and so is immensely powerful for all the things you say ‘yes’ to.
Management writer Peter Drucker wrote: “One of the secrets of productivity is to have a VERY BIG waste paper basket to take care of ALL invitations such as yours – productivity in my experience consists of NOT doing anything that helps the work of other people but to spend all one’s time on the work the Good Lord has fitted one to do, and to do well.”
Or perhaps Charles Dickens, when rejecting an invitation from a friend, embodies what I’m saying. “‘It is only half an hour’–’It is only an afternoon’–’It is only an evening,’ people say to me over and over again; but they don’t know that it is impossible to command one’s self sometimes to any stipulated and set disposal of five minutes–or that the mere consciousness of an engagement will sometime worry a whole day… Whoever is devoted to an art must be content to deliver himself wholly up to it, and to find his recompense in it. I am grieved if you suspect me of not wanting to see you, but I can’t help it; I must go in my way whether or no.”
Now obviously this sounds pretty rude doesn’t it. And in fact we have been taught that saying no is rude. It is a rebuff, a rebuttal, a passive form of resistance. But if you want to be productive you need to learn to say no. And in any case – saying no doesn’t have to be done in a rude way. You can say no politely. Here’s an example – “Thankyou you so much for approaching me / considering me / thinking of me. As much as I’d love to be involved / participate / help, unfortunately I wont be able to with the commitments currently on my plate. But all the best. I hope you / it are a a big success.”
Remember, time is precious and how you spend it is important. Time is the raw material of creativity. It is the currency of practice makes perfect, of thinking and finding solutions to problems, of relaxing and having fun, of trial and error, of researching, or getting in and just finishing things. Once it is gone you can never get it back.
Productive people know this. They know how to say ‘no’ and they understand the consequences. They know that saying ‘no’ is effectively saying ‘yes’ to other things that they need or want to do.
My Challenge
Learn to say ‘no’ – it is more powerful than you realise.
I think we often underestimate the power of language.
Words have the power to start wars or create peace, destroy relationships or strengthen them.
They are far more powerful and have far more affect than we often think. That goes both for words that others speak to us or self-talk.
I was recently running some workshops for elite athletes at the Institute of Sport and was explaining this to them in a sporting context. I was explaining to them that our words and language affects our thoughts. Our thoughts affect our emotions. Our emotions affect our actions. For example, for an athlete, if they’re on the starting line telling themselves that they feel tired and the person in the lane next to them will probably win, don’t you think that those thoughts will affect their emotions and expectations? And these will most definitely affect their performance. Similarly in normal everyday life – if we think we don’t deserve something do you think that will affect the drive that we have for going after that thing.
How we feel about anything (our emotions) is shaped by the meaning we attach to it. And the words you consciously or unconsciously select (our words) to describe a situation immediately change what it means to you and thus how you feel.
So choose your words carefully. They are far more powerful than you think.
They have the power to start wars or create peace.
They have the power to destroy relationships or strengthen them.
They can build up children or tear them down.
They have the power to stick with someone, wound them and affect their actions years down the track.
Challenge
What words are you speaking to others ?
What words are you speaking to yourself ?
As an athlete I know the power of language for affecting my psychology and then in turn my physiology and performance. But more broadly, language is around us everywhere and is far more powerful in its influence than what we often think. Certain words, or phrases, or ways of saying things can make a big difference.
So here’s a list of 10 things that you should say everyday that will make a difference. Say them to your employees, colleagues, family members, friends, loved one and so on:
1. “Here’s what I’m thinking.”
You’re might be in charge, but that doesn’t mean you’re smarter, savvier, or more insightful than everyone else. So phrase your thinking like this. It allows you to back up your statements and decisions, to give reasons, to justify, to explain … but it also opens up those decisions to discussion, and criticism, and … improvement.
Authority can make you “right,” but collaboration makes everyone right – and makes everyone pull together.
2. “I was wrong.”
Oh how right this is. How often do you someone say they’re sorry though? And how powerful is it when people do? Because the thing is, we will all make wrong decisions at one time or another. We’ll make decisions based on things that looked good on paper but in practice were a failure and caused inconvenience, pain and cost. The fact is – we’ll stuff up in some, way, shape and form as none of us are perfect.
When you’re wrong, say you’re wrong. You won’t lose respect – you’ll gain it.
3. “That was awesome. Well done.”
In many cultures (for example Asia) praise is rare. People worry about the effects of praise. They argue that it can lead to inflated egos, to complacency, to performance drops and so on. But both myself and much of the research disagrees. (Read this article on parenting for example).
In my opinion, no one gets enough praise. No one. Why else do employees consistently report on surveys that they don’t get enough recognition or praise and yet employers always feel they’re giving enough or too much praise to begin with? There are a lot of myths and excuses around giving praise as this article outlines well. Of course there are ways and means, but the point is praise should not be rare.
Praise is a gift that costs the giver nothing but is priceless to the recipient. Start praising. The people around you will love you for it – and you’ll like yourself a little better, too.
4. “You’re welcome.”
Think about a time when you gave a gift and the recipient seemed uncomfortable or awkward. Their reaction took away a little of the fun for you, right? The same thing can happen when you are thanked or complimented or praised. Don’t spoil the moment or the fun for the other person. The spotlight may make you feel uneasy or insecure, but all you have to do is make eye contact and say, “Thank you.” Or make eye contact and say, “You’re welcome. I was glad to do it.”
Don’t let thanks, congratulations, or praise be all about you. Make it about the other person, too.
5. “Can you help me?”
When you need help, regardless of the type of help you need or the person you need it from, just say, sincerely and humbly, “Can you help me?”. You see, as adults, we tend to frame our request for help to signal our importance (you’re smart, experienced, savvy and accomplished after all) and importantly, to protect our egos. Yet, if we just asked the simple question of “Can you help me?”, I promise you’ll get help.
And in the process you’ll show vulnerability, respect, trust and a willingness to listen – which, by the way, are all qualities of a great leader. And are all qualities of a great friend.
6. “I’m sorry.”
Just like “I was wrong” saying “I’m sorry” is powerful. And we all make mistakes and have things we need to apologise for: words, actions, omissions, failing to step up, step in, show support etc. So say you’re sorry. But never follow an apology with a disclaimer like “But I was really mad, because…” or “But I did think you were…” or any statement that in any way places even the smallest amount of blame back on the other person.
Say you’re sorry, say why you’re sorry, and take all the blame. No less. No more. Then you both get to make the freshest of fresh starts.
7. “Can you show me?”
Advice is temporary; knowledge is forever. Knowing what to do helps, but knowing how or why to do it means everything. Just as is the case for “Can you help me?”, when you ask “Can you show me?”, you implicitly show you respect the person giving the advice; you show you trust his or her experience, skill, and insight; and you get to better assess the value of the advice.
Don’t just ask for input. Ask to be taught or trained or shown. Then you both win.
8. “Let me give you a hand.”
Many people see asking for help as a sign of weakness. So, many people hesitate to ask for help. But we all need help at some point. So instead, offer to help. But don’t just say, “Is there anything I can help you with?” Most people will give you a version of the reflexive “No, I’m just looking” reply to sales clerks and say, “No, I’m all right.” Instead, be specific. Say “I’ve got a few minutes. Can I help you finish that?” Offer in a way that feels collaborative, not patronizing or gratuitous.
Model the behaviour you want your employees to display. Then actually roll up your sleeves and help.
9. “I love you.”
This goes without saying. Well, not at work, but everywhere you mean it – and every time you feel it.
10. Nothing.
I think this is the biggest lesson I’ve been slow to learn over the last number of years. Sometimes the best thing is to say nothing – I never knew that could be such a powerful lesson ! Sometimes the best thing to say is nothing. If you’re upset, frustrated, or angry, stay quiet. You may think venting will make you feel better, but it never does. And that’s especially true where your employees are concerned. Results come and go, but feelings are forever. Criticize an employee in a group setting and it will seem like he or she will eventually got over it, but inside, he or she never will.
Before you speak, spend more time considering how employees will think and feel than you do evaluating whether the decision makes objective sense. You can easily recover from a mistake made because of faulty data or inaccurate projections. But you’ll never recover from the damage you inflict on an employee’s self-esteem.
Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues. (Proverbs 17:28).
Be quiet until you know exactly what to say – and exactly what affect your words will have.
As you all know – I love a good bucket list !
You may remember when I shared my bucket list. And it then inspired others to write and share theirs.
Remember Vanessa’s – 30 things before 30 !!!
And then Alicias bucket list.
And then Emma Mullings bucket list.
Well in this blog I want to turn the bucket list on its head .. what about a bucket list where you write down all the things you’ve already done in life – the reverse bucket list !
It will be such a wonderful process to think and reflect on what you’ve already done. And I bet that you, like me, have done a lot – way more than you first thought. And as you start writing your ‘reverse bucket list’, what’s even better is that the overriding emotion that you will feel is one of joy and gratitude. You’ll feel blessed that you’ve had the opportunity to do so much. Blessed that you’ve had the finances to bring them to pass. Thankful for all the good memories you’ve made. Happy that you’ve seen and experienced all that you have. Grateful for how fortunate you are to live the life that you have. And what a way to bring joy and happiness and gratefulness into your life and springboard yourself on to the next bucket list !
So try the reverse bucket list – not a list of all the things you want to do, but a list of all the things you have already done / experienced / completed / seen / smelt / felt / conquered.
… I look forward to hearing your stories and seeing your reverse bucket lists …
“Most of you say you want to be successful … but you don’t want it bad – you just kinda want it …
you don’t want it badder than you want to party …
you don’t want it as much as you want to be cool …
most of you don’t want success as much as you want to sleep”
Wow. Now that’s a reminder. A reminder that you can’t wish your dreams into being. Thinking something is all well and good, but it’s not the same as doing. Success doesn’t just happen – it takes hardwork and commitment and discipline. It takes pushing through the ups and downs that come your way on the journey. It takes saying no to things and forgoing other things. It takes not accepting excuses. It takes an active decision to prioritise that goal and dream that you’re chasing. It takes time. And it takes motivation.
When I coach or speak to people about motivation I always explain that to be truly effective it has to come from the heart not the head. That is, it comes from deep inside you. It isn’t just positive talk that stems from your head. Or that song or speech or video that pumps you up for that moment. Or consciously willing yourself to do something. They’re all fine and good. But real motivation is a deep powerful force coming from within you – pushing you forward to what you want. That help you get through those obstacles and set-backs and disappointments. It is those deep unconscious emotional drivers in action (see Chapter 4 of my book ‘A Life That Counts‘ for more on this and the psychology around the Limbic System / motivation / making change.
So use this video to inspire you, but realise that to really start to move forward to the things you want it will take two things:
1. A decision
2. Figuring out WHY you really want that thing / goal / dream. The deep reason of why you want whatever you want to achieve / be / do. No, really: why do you want it? What will you get from it? How will you feel about yourself? What will it mean to achieve your dream?
You see when you’re clear on ‘why’ you’re doing something, then the ‘hows’ become clearer and become simply a means of making the ‘why’ come to pass.
Here’s a couple of examples of what I mean from two incredible contributors to my book.
1. Lydia Lassila (Olympic Gold Medallist):
‘Throughout my whole career, I was frustrated because I knew my potential. I knew I was better than the results I was showing. I’d perform well and have a sense of accomplishment, but I’d then get another injury and get so down and disappointed. What kept me going, though, was knowing I was better and could be better and that I had the potential to be number one in the world. I hadn’t got there yet, but that was what was motivating me: the fact that I knew I hadn’t yet reached my full potential. I knew my potential was the gold medal. I knew it was to break the world record. It’s personal reward, and I’ll take that to the grave with me.’
2. Michael Milton (World Sportsperson of the Year with a Disability, multiple Paralympic Gold medallist, Winter and Summer Paralympian):
‘One of the things cancer takes away from you is your own belief in yourself, particularly as your body starts to fail. You start to lose that self-worth. About a month after I’d finished my cancer treatment, I really had no idea of where or what I wanted to do in my life. The prognosis looked good in terms of going into remission, and my health had improved, but I just didn’t know what I was going to do. Was I going to be an athlete or apply for a real job? I found myself sitting with my ‘Goals’ folder, and when looking through it, I saw a goal I’d set myself 18 months before: to go to Beijing as a track cyclist. I think that when I wrote that goal down, it was more of an option at the time. I wasn’t fully committed to it at that time, and so after I’d researched it and considered it further, I wrote on another piece of paper a whole pile of points – the good things that could come out of this goal even if I didn’t achieve it. This was my ‘why’ and helped me to really commit to the goal fully. It was about getting healthy and fit again. It was about giving myself something to do. It was about motivation to get out of bed on a daily basis when I had no energy. It was more than just achieving that goal. And I remember the reward of just receiving that phone call from the head coach telling me I’d been selected for Beijing, and just sitting on the bed with my wife, crying our eyes out.’
Challenge
What do you want ?
Why ?
Find your ‘why’ and get clear on that …
and then watch and feel the difference in your motivation and then your behaviour.
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